I knew it. I’m an expert.

Feb 21

So today, my friend Chris posted this article from CNN.com called “Stop Being a Micromanaging Mom,” and commented that she is the “anti-helicopter mom.” After reading the article, I was glad to see that I, too, join her in those ranks, and rather than thinking of myself as lazy, I know consider myself a parenting EXPERT.

It’s true.

Seriously, I read this article about these parents that do all this crap for their kids (carrying a 3.5 year old down the steps because it’s “easier,” doing every challenging task their kid has, etc) and was baffled. Um, WHY would you do those things if you don’t have to? Do you like doing extra work? Do you hate free time? When do you get on Facebook? I’m confused.

The article talked about this whole “helicopter mom” mentality of worrying about everything (an actual quote: “There’s almost a feeling that if you’re not worrying enough, there must be something wrong with you. Worrying feels like love.” What? No it doesn’t. It feels like an ulcer.) and how with all this “information” at hand, all these moms are constantly afraid of their kids dying of ebola/being kidnapped by a serial killer/not being a millionaire reality star. This attitude isn’t new and we’ve heard about it so much, but to read what these people actually DO for their kids was new to me. I was left shaking my head.

But after reading the article, I can now pretend that my unwillingness to do things like run around the playground with Declan or jump every time I hear one of them yell for me is actually me being an awesome mom. One of the pieces of advice they gave was to sit down once a day with a cup of coffee and make your kid kinda fend for themselves during that time. HELLO I DO THAT ALL DAY. I can’t believe moms have to be TOLD that. And here I thought I was just shortchanging my kids by making them go play in another room and GET OFF OF ME FOR 30 SECONDS FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, when actually, I am developing their self-esteem. Or independence. Or something, who cares, I just need coffee.

So yea, if any of you “Helicopter Moms” would like to sign up for some stellar parenting classes, let me know. I am going to start a workshop soon. We will meet at my house, kick the kids out of the house except to bring us things while we watch TV and gossip. It’s for their benefit, of course. We sacrifice because we love. It’s what we do as moms.

Christi 9 comments I Know Things•I'm Judging You•Motherhood Madness•Parenting

Cara

This made my day! Love your blog!
Page Broadwater

“We sacrifice because we love.” That one actually made me snort laugh.
April Sikes

You are awesome, and hilarious!! “HELLO I DO THAT ALL DAY.” Me, too! Love it!
Christi

Thanks girls. I am just glad to know that my laziness is actually a parenting tool.
Sosha Lewis

Amen! I am pretty sure that there was an actual pool in my family as to how crazy of a mom I was going to be. They were pretty sure that I would have C in a bubble from day one, and then when I decided to stay home, they thought that I was going to find a way to surgically attach her to my body. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I am incredibly laid back. Sure, I have guilt if I only read one book to C or if I tell her that I can’t paint one more sun or octopus. However, she does play independently and seems to already enjoy some down time of her own. I’m having my morning coffee, peeping facebook and my favorite blogs, and she is drawing in another room. Sign me up for Mother of the Year.
Zoe

Hi. I haven’t commented here before, but I have to say I read this this morning and it cheered me up no end! I read the article and nearly choked on my coffee about the mother who’d rather carry her child than say ‘no’. Do these people really think they’re doing their kids a favour? If I ever see parents like that I always want to slap them.

But before I’d read your blog, I’d been reeling from one of my dear mother’s insinuated ‘you’re not a good mother because you don’t do xyz’ and I read this and thought sod that, I’m not playing her passive aggressive games any more. I’m a good mum with happy, healthy, independent kids. Yay me! And you. Woo!�
Big thank you from across the Atlantic

http://www.domesticdisturbia.com/ Christi Wampler

Zoe! Thanks so much for commenting! Wow, my first international comment… I feel so cosmopolitan! I’m also glad to know the urge to slap these parents isn’t just an American urge. We do love our violence, after all. And ugh to your mom making comments about your parenting. That is the worst. My mom has the courtesy to bite her tongue around me when I make mistakes, and for that I love her dearly. It sounds to me like you are doing a great job!

Zoe

p.s. I may want to slap them but I do refrain. Just wanted to make that clear…
http://www.knoxmamabelle.blogspot.com/ Isha

YES! to everything you wrote!