If there’s one thing I have learned this week, it’s that people feel all kinds of ways about the South. The South has long been the butt of the rest of America’s jokes, and to be honest, I get it. I mean, we are basically the worst at everything. And it’s so freaking humid here that when you walk outside from May to September, you would swear you are walking around in Satan’s mouth after a night of chugging Fireball and eating Krystals. (Satan is probably Southern). And then there’s been this tiny little issue over that stupid-ass flag that will not die. Except now it’s finally coming down, which has so many folks OUTRAGED because apparently they are all history and political science experts who claim to know that flying the Stars and Bars isn’t RACIST it’s TRADITION or some other shit that I can’t even hear any more.
So since there are many, MANY great pieces already written, I decided that instead of clogging up your newsfeeds with yet another post talking about what a filthy, disgusting piece of used toilet paper that flag is, I’d offer these MEGA PATRIOTS something else to be proud of.
I’ve created a list of all the great things to celebrate about the South that don’t represent slavery or racism in any way. These are things you can shout to the rooftop about, plaster your bumper with and proudly display on your belt buckle without looking like a lost Klansman. Because believe it or not, we sometimes we get it right.
Things That Are OK to Be Proud of in the South
- It’s cheap.
- It’s beautiful.
- Dolly Parton.
- All these damn books.
- The weather, if you don’t mind bad hair days for at least 5 months a year.
- The Gulf beaches.
- Disney World.
- The accent (like it or not, it gets you noticed. And if people think you are stupid because of it, you get to surprise them when you aren’t.)
- “Bless your heart.”
- SEC football.
- Justin Timberlake.
- Jazz and blues.
- David Sedaris.
- Steel Magnolias.
- George Clooney.
- Smokey and the Bandit (thrown in there for my husband).
- Potato salad.
- Everyone will speak to you, like it or not.
- Lightning bugs.
- Bonnaroo (if you like that sort of thing. I don’t.)
- Sweet tea.
- Cobblers and pies.
- Designing Women.
- Butter goes with EVERYTHING.
- Moonshine. (It’s even legal now)
- Hush puppies and fried catfish.
- Tomatoes. (For real.)
- Virginia wine.
- ACC basketball (according to Paul)
- Charleston, Savannah and New Orleans.
- The Kentucky Derby.
- Porches and rocking chairs.
- Big hair.
As you can see, there’s no reason you need a flag that symbolizes something so disgusting when you have ALL these great choices that represent the South in a much better way. So trade out your love of Dixie with your love of Dixie Carter, take down your Rebel flag and use it to clean up the grease splatters from your fried chicken, pour yourself some iced tea (or bourbon on the rocks… no one will ever know the difference!) and focus on what makes us great. Say goodbye to our ugly past and say “hey y’all!” to all that makes us great.