Bedside Manner
If at first you don’t succeed… adjust the dosage.
Sweet Tooth
Three tiers, extra frosting, zero apologies.
Widow’s Peak
Where there’s a will, there’s a motive.
Make a Wish
Blow them out quickly. Trust her on this.
Birthday Girl
Another year older. Dressed for the occasion.
In Loving Memory
Gone, but never forgotten. She brings it up constantly.
Proof of Purchase
Some gifts come back. Receipt not required.
Everything in Moderation
Everything in moderation… except martinis.
Keep Your Chin Up
Keep your chin up. It photographs better.
Hot Gossip
It’s not technically gossip if you feign concern.
Of Course I Love You
Of course I love you. I just love me more.
Beauty Sleep
Eight hours a night. Climate controlled.
Put On Your Face
She keeps a face for every occasion.
Per My Last Nerve
Per my last nerve…
Is That All There Is?
Is that all there is?
Say Something Vague
If you can’t say something nice, say something vague.
There’s No Gym for Your Face
There’s no gym for your face.
Under the Mistletoe
A kiss under the mistletoe, and something else held close — tradition, either way.
Silent Night
She sleeps like a baby once the tree is fully decorated.
Holiday Wrapping
Wrapping paper was for the small stuff. This one needed the good rug.
Baby Look Pretty Now?
Validation, Approval, Control — all within arm’s reach of the mirror.
Milk & Cookies
Milk, cookies, and a little insurance by the chimney.
Holiday Office Party
Martha’s gift arrived a little worse for wear. She’s still deciding if that’s part of the fun.
Season of Giving
Her cookies are always the first to disappear from the exchange table.
The Last Noel
She always answers the door for carolers. Just not every year.
The Bouquet Toss
The bouquet was lit before it ever left her hands.
Trick, Treat or Tranquilizer
Every house on the block hands out candy. Number 666 hands out relief.
Birds of a Feather
There was a clear pecking order.
Life of the Party
She always left a lasting impression.
Perfection Takes Practice
A daily routine, perfectly organized. Practice really does make perfect.
Picture Perfect
A family portrait. Some assembly required.
Bedtime Story
A bedtime story, told with total honesty. Therapy can wait.
Needlework
Who doesn’t love a new hobby?
All Is Calm
Wrapped with care. Ticking with intention. Merry everything.
We Don’t Talk About That
A party in full swing. A pill organizer in full view. It’s someone’s day.
Mood Lighting
Dancing cheek to gas mask while the horizon goes nuclear.
The Organizer
Storage boxes, neatly labeled. Who needs their dreams anyway?
We Never Talk
Communication has never been better.
Can You Hold?
On the phone, wrapped in the cord, holding a knife. Multitasking.
Emotional Support Animal
A woman and her lion, both perfectly at ease in the living room.
Wish You Weren’t Here
Nothing can ruin this beautiful late afternoon.
Deep Clean
A spotless carpet. A body under the bed. Priorities, in order.
Curl Up & Dye
She wanted to make sure she was fully lit.